While true friendships enrich our lives, it is crucial to recognize and stop excusing toxic behaviors, like constant competition, broken boundaries, and one-sided support, that emotionally drain us. Best friends can make life brighter, funnier, and a lot easier to navigate. They celebrate your wins, support you during tough times, and know things about you that nobody else does.
But not every friendship is healthy. Sometimes, we become so attached to a friend that we ignore behaviors we would never tolerate from anyone else. We make excuses, brush things off, or convince ourselves that 'that is just how they are.' This National Best Friends Day, it might be worth asking yourself a simple question: Is this friendship helping me grow, or constantly draining me? Here are eight friendship red flags you should stop excusing.
1. They only show up when they need something
We all lean on our friends from time to time. That is normal. The problem starts when the friendship feels one-sided. They call when they need money, advice, favors, or emotional support but disappear when you need the same. Friendship should be a two-way street, not a one-person service center.
2. They constantly compete with you
A good friend celebrates your success. A red-flag friend turns every achievement into a competition. Got a promotion? They immediately mention their own accomplishment. Bought something new? They have something better. Share good news? Somehow, the conversation becomes about them. Healthy friendships are not scoreboards.
3. They gossip about everyone
If a friend constantly talks negatively about other people behind their backs, there is a good chance they are doing the same to you when you are not around. Sharing occasional frustrations is one thing. Making gossip a personality trait is another. Trust is one of the foundations of friendship, and constant gossip can slowly destroy it.
4. They never respect your boundaries
Whether it is showing up unannounced, demanding immediate replies, borrowing things without returning them, or pushing you into situations you are uncomfortable with, ignoring boundaries is a major red flag. A true friend respects your limits, even when they do not fully understand them.
5. They make everything about themselves
You listen to their problems, celebrate their victories, and support their dreams. But whenever it is your turn to talk, they seem distracted, uninterested, or quick to shift the conversation back to themselves.
6. They put you down, disguised as 'jokes'
'Relax, I am just joking.' It is a phrase many people use after making hurtful comments. Playful teasing is common among close friends, but there is a difference between joking and repeatedly targeting your insecurities. If you constantly leave conversations feeling embarrassed, criticized, or smaller than before, jump ship. Humor should not come at the expense of your self-esteem.
7. They disappear during difficult times
Not every friend can solve your problems, and that is okay. But genuine friends do not vanish the moment life gets messy. If someone is always around for parties, vacations, and celebrations but nowhere to be found during your hardest moments, the friendship may not be as strong as you think. Hard times often reveal who your real friends are.
8. You feel drained after every interaction
This might be the biggest red flag of all. Friendships are not perfect, but they should not consistently leave you exhausted, anxious, or emotionally depleted. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Do you feel supported, valued, and happy? Or do you feel stressed, criticized, and worn out? Your feelings often tell you what your mind is trying to ignore.
National Best Friends Day is a great time to appreciate the people who genuinely enrich your life. But it is also an opportunity to recognize friendships that may no longer be healthy. A good friend will not be perfect. Neither will you. The goal is not to find flawless people—it is to build friendships based on respect, trust, support, and mutual care. Because the best friendships do not just survive over time. They make life better.
