In a powerful reflection on family dynamics, Bishop Charles Ighele has highlighted a critical fault line in many Nigerian homes: the thin line between being a disciplinarian and becoming an oppressor in the eyes of one's children.
A Cautionary Tale of Misunderstood Discipline
Bishop Ighele, the General Superintendent of the Holy Spirit Mission in Lagos, recounted a memorable story during his address. He described a father who firmly believed he was instilling strict discipline in his household. However, his family members held a starkly different view, perceiving him as a dictator and an oppressor.
The man's children, some of whom were teenagers, saw him not as a guide but as a dark shadow that tormented them. This profound disconnect in perception is where many parents falter, according to the Bishop's years of counselling experience.
The Television Incident: A Case Study
Ighele illustrated this conflict with a specific incident. The children had accidentally damaged the knob of the family television set in the living room. Enraged and intent on punishment, the father stormed into the parlour, disconnected the TV, and locked it away in his private room as a penalty.
"I found the matter hilarious when it was brought to me," Bishop Ighele admitted, before revealing that he promptly counselled the man to return the television to its communal space. This act, intended as discipline, was perceived by the children as harsh and oppressive, severing a source of family connection over a minor mistake.
The Unseen Chasm Between Parents and Children
Through decades of marriage and family counselling, Bishop Ighele has witnessed countless children walk into his office bearing deep-seated resentment. "We have lost count of the number of children... believing the very worst of their parents," he stated. Many confide in him, describing their parents as wicked and cruel.
The great irony, he notes, is that most parents are completely unaware of their children's harsh judgments. They operate under the conviction that they are enforcing necessary rules and imparting life values, blind to the emotional reality they are creating.
The Golden Rule of Parenting
So, how can parents ensure genuine love and respect from their children, even when administering discipline? Bishop Charles Ighele points to a timeless principle: the golden rule given by Jesus Christ in Luke 6:31.
"And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise."
He urges parents to apply this scripture directly to their parenting. Before meting out punishment, they should pause and ask themselves: "How would I have wanted to be disciplined when I was the age of that child?"
Effective parenting, he concludes, is not merely about establishing laws and appropriate consequences. It must make room for understanding the child's feelings and perspective. Discipline administered without empathy risks breeding alienation instead of respect.
Bishop Charles Ighele's message, shared on 17 January 2026, serves as a crucial reminder for fathers and mothers across Nigeria to evaluate their methods and intentions, ensuring their leadership at home builds up rather than breaks down.
